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  • Writer's pictureDouglas James Troxell

Six Lessons We Learned from the Pandemic

Happy Two-Year Pandemic Anniversary!

Two years ago, the lives of every single American changed as our nation joined the global pandemic party. Schools closed. Businesses closed. Toilet paper became something worth hoarding and fighting over with strangers in Walmart.

Two years later, COVID is still part of our lives, but we've reached the part of the pandemic where we're too tired to care anymore and have decided to have World War II instead.

Anyway, here are six lessons we learned from the pandemic.

#1: The Coming Zombie Apocalypse Will Kill EVERYONE

Don't get me wrong, the pandemic was bad ... but it wasn't that bad. The mortality rate was relatively low and most people who got COVID recovered. And yet, it nearly toppled civilization. Imagine if it had been some serious Captain Trips bullshit with a 99% mortality rate. Everyone would be dead because we totally failed this test as a species. People were asked to do simple things like wear a mask, avoid crowds, or acknowledge that COVID exists and people couldn't even do that! Those zombies are gonna be eatin' good!

#2: Humans are Destined to Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over and Over ...

One lesson we learned from COVID is that we don't learn lessons. The Spanish Flu ravaged the world 100 years ago. This pandemic played out much the same way and yet we didn't do any better in battling it despite our advanced technology, knowledge, and means of communication. Much like the Spanish Flu, we just had to wait for it to tear through all the vulnerable people until it burned itself out. I feel bad for the people living in 2120 ...

#3: We are More Divided As a Country than Ever Before (Except Maybe that Civil War Thing)

If there was something that should have united our very divided country, it should have been a deadly virus that didn't care about its victims' political affiliation. Instead, it divided us further. In fact, one party seemed to side with the virus by denying its existence, fighting against mask mandates, and spreading misinformation about vaccines (that the same politicians rushed to the front of the line to get). It should have been our country uniting against a common enemy like in Power Rangers where all the rangers work together to create the Megazord. Won't anyone think of the MEGAZORD?!

#4: In America, Money > Human Lives

We all kinda knew this was true before the pandemic, but no one said it aloud. During the pandemic, people said it aloud. I'll never forget the politician saying ON CAMERA that we may need to sacrifice a few grandparents for the sake of the economy. Those were the words that came out of his face. What good is all the money in the world if no one is alive to spend it? By the way, you know the best way to save the economy during a pandemic? Answer: End the pandemic.

#5: America Hates Smart People

How did Anthony Fauci, a man who dedicated his life to fighting infectious diseases and saving lives, become a man accused of running secret bio labs in Ukraine that develop evil COVID nanobots that teach elementary students CRT in the classroom? The answer: Because America hates smart people. Being smart is hard. And since there are way more dumb people than smart people in America, the majority have simply made it taboo to be smart. Politicians encourage this since dumb people are easier to control than smart people. And the worst part? Some of the dumbest people are in Congress.

#6: We Are Closer to the Edge Than We Thought

Remember when you were a kid and you thought your parents knew what the hell they were doing, but then you got older and learned they had no idea what they were doing and it's a miracle you survived to become an adult? Then you learned the same thing about the federal government? During the pandemic, we learned that's how it is with Planet Earth. One hiccup and all the toilet paper disappears, the economy crumbles, and everyone locks themselves in their homes watching Tiger King. Society is a plate being balanced on a pole held by a blindfolded man on a unicycle on a tightrope stretched across the Grand Canyon. We are one bad day away from The End.

Sleep tight.

If you want to read about a more entertaining world-ending pandemic, check out my post-apocalyptic adventure novel, After The End. The End comes on May 19th.


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