The Six Annoying People You Meet at Disney (Part I)
Disney World is the most magical place on Planet Earth...if by "magical" you mean crowded and rage-inducing.
My familia and I recently returned from a week's vacation at Disney World. I spent months planning every detail of the trip. Our accommodations, our meals, the rides...EVERYTHING! I booked our hotel a year in advance. I made dinner reservations six months in advance. Since you have to book Fast Passes 60 days in advance, that means you have to know which park you're going to on which day and the ORDER you're going to ride the rides TWO MONTHS before you step foot in Florida.
Other people showed up and stumbled around the parks like a drunk frat boy trying to find his girlfriend's best friend's dorm room at 3:00 in the morning.
The most significant factor that detracts from the enjoyment of Disney is the other people who go there. There are a lot of people at Disney, but most fall into six distinct categories. Here are the first three types of annoying people you'll run into at Disney...
1) People who will never, ever understand the Fast Pass system no matter how many times it's explained to them
If you don't know how to use the Fast Pass system, don't go to Disney. Just don't. You're gonna spend your entire day standing in line and you will ride three rides the entire time. Fast Pass not only benefits the user but everyone else in the park because it keeps people out of the standby line and at least makes it LOOK like you're close to the front of the line...even though you totally aren't. Some people think Fast Pass means you will walk directly onto the ride. WRONG! It just means you will wait less...but you're still gonna wait.
You need a smartphone to properly make use of Fast Pass. Does that mean Old People shouldn't go to Disney? Yes. Yes, it does. Go play golf or bingo or whatever but don't go to Disney. I cannot even begin to describe how frustrating it is when my family and I made it to a Fast Pass line only to find people who didn't understand Fast Pass actually BLOCKING the FAST Pass line, arguing with cast members, preventing those who did understand from entering. Do the research!
2) People moving at the wrong pace
What's the wrong pace, you ask? Whatever pace I'm not moving at. Typically, the wrong pace people are going is aggravatingly slow. You will typically walk between five to ten miles a day in a Disney park. People do not realize the physical strain it takes to survive a day walking in the Florida sun (even in February). My wife and I made our kids go on "Disney walks" a couple times a week prior to our trip to train for our Disney vacation. Other people? Other people are fat and lazy and can barely walk down their own stairs without sucking wind. So imagine how quickly they were moving as a big fat family through the park after chowing down on turkey legs. Move, fatty!
The only time people were moving too fast was during rope drop (when the park officially opens). Trying to reach 7 Dwarves Mine Cart after rope drop was the closest I'll ever come to participating in the Running of the Bulls. I witnessed a middle-aged woman smash her head into a sign while running to ride a roller coaster for children. Don't run.
The rest of the time, people are just in the way. No movement in a Disney Park should be taken without a purpose. You should either be moving toward your next attraction or moving OUT OF THE WALKWAY! Looking at your map? NO! Deciding what to ride next? NO! All those decisions should have been made and memorized before you come to the park. Checking your cell phone while pushing a double baby stroller? I hate you.
3) People totally oblivious to the concept of "other people"
There are a ton of people at Disney so the more aware everyone is of that fact, the better. Most people there are polite and considerate of others. And then there are people who are not. I was blown away by how inconsiderate some people were. And I'm not even talking about the annoying people in line who left huge gaps while they checked their phones or the dickheads on the bus who wouldn't give up their seats for pregnant mothers or little kids. No. Those people are amateurs.
There was one guy at the Animal Kingdom light show holding his phone over his head the entire show, essentially blocking the view of everyone behind him. Then I saw what he was doing. He was skyping with his granddaughter (who he didn't even bother to bring with him to Disney World) so she could watch the show while the people behind him who paid hundreds of dollars to actually go to the park couldn't see shit.
My favorite, though, was the guy wearing a headlamp in a pitch black 3D theater who was doing banking stuff on his phone and his wife who was taking selfies with her bright-as-fuck flash of her and her screaming baby she brought into a crowded theater. Nothing improves a theater experience like a bright, blinding light and a screaming infant!
Next post, I'll cover the last three annoying people you'll run into at Disney...including MY category!