Douglas James Troxell
The Six Annoying People You Meet at Disney (Part II)
Just like most successful Disney movies, my blog post on "The Six Annoying People You Meet at Disney" is getting a sequel! Of course, since I only told you about three, it was inevitable. Maybe I'll create my own "Troxell Blog Universe" where I'll turn out mediocre blog posts with corny jokes and then at the end of each blog post I'll drop a hint about what the next blog post is about and people will pay billions of dollars thinking I have some "endgame" in mind (heh...) but really I'm just dragging the whole thing out hoping no one realizes I'm just making shit up as I go.
Here's the summary of the origins of this blog post. I took my family to Disney. There were a lot of annoying people there. I dumped those people into six categories.
Here are the next three types of annoying people you'll run into at Disney...
4) Parents who aren't used to spending so much time with their kids
Disney is not the place to go for a relaxing family vacation. Disney is where you go if you want to know if your family could handle a top-secret tactical mission in Afghanistan. You want relaxing? Go to the beach! Disney is the place I've heard the most public arguing in my entire life. And after listening to several of these arguments, it was the Dads having most of the meltdowns. I get it. Dad's working all the time, he feels guilty, so he gives his family the dream: a Disney vacation! Dad just signed his own death warrant. Going to Disney to "get to know your kids" is like playing in the NBA finals with four players you've never even met before. To properly "Do Disney," you need to know your kids' strengths and weaknesses. You need to anticipate every possible monkey wrench, every meltdown, every hangry episode. If you don't have your team in order...YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME! Stick to the beach, slacker parents!
5) People in electric scooters who you're pretty sure don't need to be in an electric scooter
In my last blog post, I touched upon the physical requirements necessary to survive a day in Disney. Walking is essential to a successful Disney outing. Dozens...and dozens...and dozens of people try to scoot their way past that requirement (See what I did there?). Disney World is the electric scooter capital of the world. Obviously some people need the scooters because they're super old or dealing with legitimate health issues or physical limitations. That's not who I'm talking about. I'm talking about the people rocking the scooters simply because they're too freakin' lazy to walk their fat asses around the park. There is no medical protocol to rent a scooter. Anyone can rent a scooter at any of the Disney resorts. You pay money, you get a scooter. Scooters are the WORST! They're big, they're slow, and they steer for shit. They double the wait time for the loading and unloading of buses, too.
There was one woman at the Magic Kingdom projection show (Amazing, by the way) who was sitting in a scooter watching the show. Someone walked up and stood in front of her obstructing her view. She just casually stood up and relocated to somewhere she could see and watched the show for ten minutes on her feet. GOOD LORD! IT'S A MIRACLE!
6) Parents eternally looking for their lost stroller
This. This was me and my wife. Disney's stroller management is insane. There are almost as many strollers as electric scooters in the parks so when you find a little nook to park your stroller, you take it. Well, when you return to that spot, your stroller will be gone. Poof! Vanished into thin air. That's because Disney employs an army of stroller gremlins whose entire job is to steal your stroller and park it in their designated stroller parking. As soon as you leave, the stroller gremlin pops out of a bush or emerges from a sewer grate and parks your stroller somewhere that may or may not be anywhere near where you exit your attraction. The worst part is that even if you DO park in a designated area, the stroller STILL won't be where you left it because they constantly rearrange the strollers like a never-ending game of Jenga. They honestly don't give a shit if you ever see your stroller again as long as they look neat and organized. It got to the point that by the end of the week, I would just throw our stroller down in the middle of a walkway and leave because I knew I was't going to be able to find it again anyway.
Damn you, stroller gremlins!!!
So there you have it, the six annoying people you meet at Disney World! Trust me, there were way more than six but my psychiatrist said I need to move on from my Disney fixation. Recovery is key.