• Douglas James Troxell

5 Things We learned From Donald Trump's Presidency




Well, we made it. We persevered. We survived ... but just barely.


We learned a lot about America over the past four years with Donald Trump in charge. Most of it was stuff we didn't really want to know or acknowledge. Donald Trump didn't put anything in America that wasn't already there. All he did was highlight (and multiply) what had been festering there for decades, hiding in the shadows like mold or mildew. He also revealed how close to the abyss we are as a country and how little it takes to push us over the edge.


Here are five things we learned from Donald Trump's presidency.


#1) There are way more stupid people in America than we originally thought.


We can now officially quantify how many stupid people currently reside in America: over 74 million. As a registered independent voter, I will never fault anyone for voting Republican if the candidate is worthy. I find it impossible to understand how ANYONE, though, could vote for a pathological liar who brags about sexual assault, cheats on his wife with a porn star, mocks disabled people, watches TV and golfs instead of doing his job, ignores science, and demonizes half the population he's in charge of. If that wasn't bad enough, he got the thing he was supposed to be protecting us from! That would be like if FDR was captured by the Nazis! Would you vote for him AGAIN afterward?! Trump was never a Republican. He was a party of one. It's sad that so many people are too lazy or too blinded by hatred to think for themselves. It's clear that if Hitler was resurrected and ran Republican, half the country would vote for zombie Hitler to "own the libs."


#2) There is no secret government ruling the country from the shadows.


You know how some people think there's a shadow government who secretly pulls the strings of America from behind the scenes? Yeah, well, there isn't. The past four years have proven that beyond a doubt. Unless the shadow conspirators' goal was to completely embarrass us on a national stage or make us look incompetent as a country, then I'm not sure what benefit there would be to allowing Trump to blindly steer America into a brick wall. It's basically like when you grow up and learn that your parents had no idea what the fuck they were doing during your childhood, and they were just pretending to have their shit together the whole time (or not). America is a runaway gasoline tanker with no one at the wheel and we are one bad election away from steering toward the nitroglycerine plant. Wheeee!


#3) Americans can no longer tell the difference between entertainment and serious shit.


Politics and entertainment used to be two separate things. That went out the window when we elected a game show host to the most powerful office in the free world. Our celebrity worship is totally out of control. Why else would trailer park denizens choose a rich elitist who sits on a golden toilet as their idol? Answer: Because he lived in their televisions for so many years. When we talk about Oprah or The Rock as serious candidates for the presidency, we've crossed the line into politainment. Entertainers are meant to entertain us, not lead us. You don't put a jester on the throne. Let's make politics BORING again!


#4) Many Americans are cool with a dictatorship as long as the dictator hates the same people they do.


How will we even begin to explain to future generations that the same people wearing tanktops with the word FREEDOM emblazed on them and waving American flags were the same people who invaded our capital and tried to overthrow our government? Or that people who claim to love America and constantly cry about "MA RITES!" tried to overturn a lawful election? It's embarrassing to know that our grandchildren are going to study about the folly of Trump's presidency someday in their 3D e-textbooks. We'll have to refer them to Germany circa 1933 to help them understand. Trump rose to power on the basis of hatred, on exclusion, on blaming "foreigners" for all of America's problems. He gave people permission to be hateful assholes. They no longer had to hide in the shadows. Now they could hate out in the open. No wonder these people who claim to love FREEDOM were more than willing to install a dictator in the Oval Office.


#5) We were right that social media is ruining the human race.


We joked about it, but it turned out be 100% true. Social media has destroyed our species. Twitter gave Trump the presidency and offered him a megaphone for his lies without any responsible filter. Facebook helped to spread conspiracy theories about imaginary government-sponsored sex-trafficking rings and lizard people and stolen elections. Instagram forces people to look at the Kardashians. Social media allows millions of people to pelt each other daily with their stupidity, spreading it and helping it grow like a virus (Which is totally a hoax! A mask is a muzzle!). How can we possibly put the genie back in the bottle? How can we go back to keeping our idiots in isolation? I fear it is already too late ...


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If you want to find out what America would have looked like with another Trump term, read my dystopian comedy, Trumptopia: The United States of Walmart.