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  • Writer's pictureDouglas James Troxell

Thoreau Day 2k17

I’ve always hated the 4th of July. Nothing good has ever happened to me on Independence Day. It’s like the day is cursed or something. The curse goes all the way back to when I was ten. My hamster died on July 4th. Well, he didn’t actually die. He was eaten by his big brother. I guess that still counts. Anyways, ever since then the 4th and I have just not gotten along.

It probably doesn’t help that I hate fireworks, too. Hate ’em. A bunch of idiots gathering in a field to stare into the sky at bright colors and listen to loud noises is way too American for me. One time I went to a fireworks show and this idiot teenage girl took a picture of every single firework. Every…single…one. And the camera made this annoying beep every time she prepared to take a picture so the entire show was like this: BEEP…BOOM! BEEP…BOOM!. Idiot. Another time a bunch of people sitting behind us talked about what they ate on each day of their vacation DURING the fireworks show. Why even come? Morons.

I’m not one to complain without actively trying to improve a situation so a few years ago I invented my own holiday to replace Independence Day. It’s called THOREAU DAY in honor of my favorite American writer and philosopher, Henry David Thoreau. Thoreau is famous for his treatise on nonviolent resistance against the government called “Civil Disobedience” that was later the inspiration for men like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. and he’s also best known for his social experiment where he lived alone for two years in the woods around Walden Pond which started on (you guessed it) July 4th.

So how does one celebrate Thoreau Day? Forget about picnics and fireworks and sparklers and all that shit. Thoreau Day is a day of quiet reflection where one spends his/her time reading transcendental works and critiquing the job of the government in running our country.

It’s a good time.

No pigging out, no mandatory family visitations, no loud, obnoxious fireworks booming all night long. Our forefathers questioned the job the British were doing in running the colonies. Shouldn’t we do the same with our own government? After all, they work for us (Although that no longer seems to be the case in recent years and now we seem to have many kings instead of just one). That’s as far as I’ll go into this year’s critique but, trust me, it was a doozy. Can’t say America is doing too well grade-wise at the moment.

So I encourage all of you to ditch the burgers, hotdogs, and sparklers for quiet reflection and government critique. Ever since I did I look forward to the 4th of July every single summer.

A thoughtful and somber Thoreau Day to all!

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